Vicarious trauma
I went to a CIT refresher class this week. It's been about 6 years since I completed the 40 hour certification course. Back then, the focus was all about helping cops deal with the mentally ill and suicide by cop scenarios. A lot has changed since then.
This weeks conference was about veterans and PTSD and vicarious trauma. I'd never heard of vicarious trauma before, but it apparently is a budding topic among those involved in the treatment of child trauma and those who treat cops.
As weird as it sounds, I felt like the speakers were talking directly to me. During the lectures, I kept looking around the room at the sea of faces to see if they were focused on me, nervous they had all somehow known of the struggles I've been dealing with as of late.
The final speaker ended her presentation saying that for whatever reason, cops feel like they can't show emotion or weakness, even when they're breaking inside. Society expects them to shoulder the burdens of horrific crime scenes and terribly traumatic calls, all while being professional and in control. Theres a negative stigma attached to those who falter, assigned by both the departments and co-workers, as if the problem is with the officer, instead of the job itself. She said that not a single mental health worker views the officer as weak for seeking help and they're trying to get rid of the related stigmas and fears.
I almost broke down and cried when she said despite negative media coverage and monday morning quarterbacking, we mean more to most people than we'll ever know or can be thanked. I thought myself of sitting at the kitchen table, half empty bottle of whiskey, my mind wandering through the darkness.
This class was the proverbial arm on my shoulder for support that I needed, and I'm thankful for that.
This weeks conference was about veterans and PTSD and vicarious trauma. I'd never heard of vicarious trauma before, but it apparently is a budding topic among those involved in the treatment of child trauma and those who treat cops.
As weird as it sounds, I felt like the speakers were talking directly to me. During the lectures, I kept looking around the room at the sea of faces to see if they were focused on me, nervous they had all somehow known of the struggles I've been dealing with as of late.
The final speaker ended her presentation saying that for whatever reason, cops feel like they can't show emotion or weakness, even when they're breaking inside. Society expects them to shoulder the burdens of horrific crime scenes and terribly traumatic calls, all while being professional and in control. Theres a negative stigma attached to those who falter, assigned by both the departments and co-workers, as if the problem is with the officer, instead of the job itself. She said that not a single mental health worker views the officer as weak for seeking help and they're trying to get rid of the related stigmas and fears.
I almost broke down and cried when she said despite negative media coverage and monday morning quarterbacking, we mean more to most people than we'll ever know or can be thanked. I thought myself of sitting at the kitchen table, half empty bottle of whiskey, my mind wandering through the darkness.
This class was the proverbial arm on my shoulder for support that I needed, and I'm thankful for that.
Labels: the good the bad the ugly
posted by Moe at 11:22
7 Comments:
Please don't ever think about taking your own life. You'll never know how many people will be left devastated and wondering WHY it happened.
If you have to, call a friend, call a therapist - call someone. Nothing is that bad that taking your own life will fix. It will just leave a world of hurt for those that love and care for you.
It would kill me to hear that you ever did something like that. Although I don't know the things you are going through regarding work, just please think about things and talk to someone before you ever consider that again.
I've already lost two people within days of each other - one was a very good friend who died of cancer a year after her kidney transplant and then brother, who was my best friend. I would absolutely die if anything happened to you.
If you are strong enough to ask for help, you are halfway there. You'll make it.
Dude,
There was a guy on my department that killed himself recently. He was a great guy and seemed like he was fine. Turns out that he was traumatized by a shooting that happened on his unit a few years prior. Nobody knew. If only he would have said something, he would have had dozens of people there for him.
After his suicide, we all felt like we failed him and it really tore up the department for awhile. Don't do that to the people who care about you. If you were seriously thinking about suicide, please go talk to someone. An old partner, a shrink, somebody.
Moe:
I am always reminded of that scene in THE PUNISHER that had a great quote.
"Good memories can save your life".
We're not Superman...we're just (all) human.
And sometimes, we need to remind ourselves of that.
YOu never quite know ALL the lives you touch positively on a daily basis.
Stay Strong.
Stay safe.
Well, this one sure hit home. I call it 'human wreckage' and most of see a lot of it over a twenty or thirty year career in various assignments. Even those of us who claim to suffer no ill effects and claim the ability to turn it off bear the scars of what we have seen and done. Some are better at covering those mental wounds. It is always unfortunate when a good soul surrenders to evil.
This is a department problem. Unfortunately departments tend to minimize the impact. I may be the first officer on-scene at call of a father who stuck a .357 in house mouth and was found by his 15 year old daugher. The disbelief, loss and grief present in her eyes and bod language may set me over my limits. The second officer on-scene, however, might not be even close to that line. Who judges which officer nees help?
I've lost a few friends, co-workers and acquaintances to suicide. The last one gave me a huge trauma that still persists. I blame myself for not doing enough, not doing something to help this man. Had I been smarter or faster the man could have been saved. His death devastated many people.
I've been reading your blog for some time now, and I conclude that you're a good man. You have provided comfort to many people and either don't realize it or believe that your service is a small thing. It isn't. You're needed. Your efforts make the world a better place to live in.
Keep writing. I find it is very cathartic.
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