"Sounds like fun"

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Cyanide and Hapiness

Private eyes, are watching you

Driving an unmarked, nondescript vehicle is kind of fun. Not only do you get to see people acting the fool, but you get to enjoy that priceless look when the cops are suddenly up in their grill.

"Where'd I come from?" Magic.

Today

Today I laughed.

Today I cried.

Today I was grateful I could still feel.

Smile

Just updated the music player and sharing a funny.

*Click to embiggin*

Little boy heroically shoots, mutilates burglar

If only it worked like that

Music player updated as well.

You're embarrassing yourself.

Dear lady suffering from either severe PMS or menopause,

Thank you for the 15 minute argument about how I'm not doing my job, how your taxes pay my meager salary, and how it's my job to see that you're satisfied. My favorite part was when I told you that action, or inaction was taken based on my discretion and you answered so smartly - "What's discretion?"

Please accept my not so sincere apology for laughing aloud in your face only further angering you. Know that not only am I quaking in my boots about your threat to file a complaint against me, but I'll lose lots of sleep over it as well.

Sincerely,

The cop who doesn't know how to do his job properly.

Sometimes you need a smile...

Big brother is watching

Here's a helpful hint:

When talking smack and laughing about the reasons you got pulled over, make sure the backup officer(me) isn't standing nearby in the dark watching and listening.

Talk about a 180 degree attitude adjustment when you get hammered for every little thing instead of the warning you were going to get. It's not so funny anymore, eh?

Mmmm, waffles.

This is for Beat and Release.


I've made waffles on two non-consecutive occasions.

It's funny because it's true

http://xkcd.com/

Blast from the past

It's a small world. I ran into a girl I had a crush on in the 4th grade the other night. Back then, I professed my love, and she and her friends made fun of me. Bitches.

Jamie now works as a 911 dispatcher in a nearby city. She was the most popular girl in school up through high school, but time hasn't been kind to her. She's looking a little "rode hard, put away wet" if you catch my drift.

After exchanging pleasantries and the whole "what have you been up to" routine, she asked if I wanted to grab a drink sometime after work. "Nah, I'm good," I told her. It's funny how things work out sometimes.

By the way, I've updated the music in the sidebar player. Just hit the play button.

Actual daily dialogue

"Put your hands down, stop screaming, and talk to me like a human being so I can understand what's going on."

"Fuck you, you're just a kid."

"Yep, twenty five years your junior and I have to solve your problems for you."

"Don't get smart with me..."

"You stopped being in charge when I showed up, pal."

This had me rolling

Ivy league loser

Pop quiz: The 4th Amendment of the United States Constitution guarantees you:

A) Freedom of speech
B) Protection against abuse of government authority in a legal procedure
C) Protection from unreasonable searches and seizures
D) The right to one phone call

Would you care to guess what the underage drunk Ivy League college student claimed it was?

Had he been given this test, he would have circled "D." Yep, he had a "right to call his mommy" and "as an American citizen, he knew his rights." Suddenly, my small private college degree isn't looking so shabby.

We eventually let him call his mommy, who incidentally doesn't live in this state. She was less than thrilled. His father was even less impressed than his mother. He told the kid he was going to beat him to death. I believed him so warned him to wait until he at least left the station.

Out of the mouths of scum...

My new favorite quote from a suspect in custody: "You need to use better discretion when you yoke someone up like that."

In his defense, I did swing him around like a rag doll, but only after he tried to bolt on me.

PS - Apologies for my lack of appearance as of late.

Ride along

So you'd like to know what it's like to work at my department? This could be our shift briefing, except there's not that many officers on at one time during a regular shift.

This ISN'T Chicago!

I'm one of those people that is always catching things out of the corner of my eye. Over the years I've honed my ability to look at things using only my peripheral vision. So, it's natural that when sitting idle in a cruiser on the graveyard shift, something is bound to catch your attention, be it an animal, vehicle, person, or shadow. Sometimes when you look, there's nothing there. Sometimes it's your over-tired mind playing tricks on you. In my town, ghost stories are a dime a dozen, but that's not what this post is about (I could do a post like that if people were interested).

The past two days we've had sustained wind gusts up to 50mph. Besides making women's fun bag buttons pop and men's bait and tackle shrivel and hide, the wind has been blowing all kinds of crazy crap around. You'd expect to see a garbage can or recycling bin blowing down the road in these conditions.

Last night, at about 3:30ish, I picked up on a movement out of the corner of my left eye. Looking up quickly, I saw a stop sign blowing down the road and past my cruiser. The wind had ripped the stop sign right of its metal post.

Picking up my radio, I called my partner who was working the desk and never gets excited about anything.

"Headquarters, a stop sign is blowing down Front Avenue."

"Yeah, Roger."

Laughing, I just put the radio back into its cradle and turned my attention back to my computer.

Anunciate!

I only did traffic stops last night. Everyone got breaks in the form of citations for the lowest fines, warnings for the rest and in some cases, just warnings. What can I say, I was feeling generous.