Sleep

I hate mids. It's funny how you take something like a good night's sleep for granted until your whole sleep schedule and pattern is turned upside down. Getting a good night's rest, or in this case day's rest while on midnights is comparable to sex in some cases. Take two days ago for instance. I slept 9 and a half hours straight and when I woke up my first thought was "Oh man, that was good." You may laugh or scratch your head in puzzlement, but people that have worked overnights know what's up.

Adding to the depart from the body's sleep pattern is the boredom. If we get 3 calls a shift, we're busy. A officer can't even be proactive, because there isn't anything even moving after 1 AM. Last night I took a report from a guy in a nursing home who had close to $300 stolen. I'm familiar with this guy because this is probably the third or fourth theft of cash report I've taken from the guy. I think he probably has 10 or 12 reports for thefts department-wide. At first I felt for the guy. He's 80+ years old and still has his wits about him. Well, most of his wits. Common sense checked out a while ago. Despite only leaving the home once or twice a week tops, he insists on keeping hundreds of dollars in cash in his room. He has the opportunity to lock the money up in a safe at the home and refuses. He's been told to keep the money in his bank and use the ATM machine on site when he needs cash. Nope, he always leaves it in the same spot too - the top drawer of his dresser. Talk about easy pickings.

So here I am, yawning in this guy's face because I'm tired, I'm bored, and I've got the shits of telling the fucking guy to stop leaving so much cash in his dresser. He's blabbering on and on about how he's tired of his money being stolen and I'm staring off into space thinking how nice it'll be to pile on those blankets and get some of that orgasmic sleep when I get home.

Fool me once, shame on you

A few months ago, I responded to the call of a shoplifter in custody at a local store. Generally, I really dislike these calls. Usually the dollar amount of merchandise is so low that it ends up being a 6th degree larceny which the punishment in court equates to sitting in time out for twenty minutes. Stupid court system. There really is no justice. Anyway, my point is the guy never jams a plasma TV into his shirt.

I arrive on scene and talk to the manager and decrepit looking black man in the manager's office. The man was caught with two bags of plain M&Ms and a can of potted meat. Gross. The guy didn't even have enough taste to steal something that would make a person's mouth water. The manager agrees to not press charges if the guy pays for the items. Homeless guy pulls out a shiny new brown leather wallet and pays for the items. Strangely enough, the wallet is empty except for the few crinkled dollar bills and the guy's State ID card. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I ask "Did you steal the damn wallet too?"

Guy adamantly denies it and the store manager says he doesn't recognize it as one of his. I read the guy the riot act and advise him to stay the hell away from this store before clearing.

Fast forward about an hour, when I get sent back to the store to speak with the manager. It turns out, the wallet was stolen and the manager found the empty box in the aisle. Now I'm pissed. I'm pissed at the manager for not know what products he carries in his tiny ass store, I'm pissed at the guy for lying to me, and I'm pissed at myself that I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt. I round up a backup unit and head to the shelter, his last known address. Finding him, I say "Give me the wallet."

He pulls the wallet out which funny enough now contains every bit of his life in it. Turning it upside down, I empty the contents onto the floor saying "I can't believe you sat there, looked me in the eye, and lied to my face about stealing the wallet."

"I swear to God I didn't take it."

Taking a step back, I said "Don't say shit like that when I'm standing next to you. I don't want to get hit by the lightning that strikes your lying ass down." This of course caused the backup officer to cover his mouth in an attempt to stifle a laugh.

I left the man to pick up his property with the warning that he was now on my radar and even the slightest fuck up would lead to his demise before heading back to the store to return the wallet. I can't say if he took me seriously, but I haven't seen or heard from him since.